When I started this post today, I was probably half way done and a few thousand words in. I took a brain break, like literally. The words just didn’t seem right. If that makes sense. So I took a break in frustration and not really knowing what is going on. I went outside with the dogs on this fine summers day, or so it feels anyway. I turned on the hose and watched as one dog ran from it and found her safe place on the deck, while the other tries to eat the said watery attacker.
My dog tucker is an American Bulldog and Kona is our rescue from a local shelter. Tucker is four years old. He is such a goofy dog. For anyone who has ever owned a bully breed knows the silliness that can come with having them around. They are full of personality. I picked Tucker out from a picture. I fell in love with him instantly. When we picked him up he was a 20 pound pink skinned white rollie pollie 8 week baby. He now is over a hundred pounds of hunky love. He was our little piggy. He has that squishy face that only a momma would love to bits. And I sure do love him.
On days like this where things aren’t always flowing I know that my furry companions are there for me. As I watched Tucker play I was present and completely in the moment. I took in the breeze as he snorted his way through the water. Giggling as if the world just disappeared. For once today my soul was still. All the things that I was thinking about were nothing but a distant memory.
I was able to be grateful for the water that is there for me to have that moment to play with my dogs. Grateful that I have a yard to have dogs to roam around in. To have an apple tree, that gives fruit and shade. To have a deck to see and enjoy the view of distant mountains. My Favorite Worship Jams playing in the background. This is what I was in need of all day and I didn’t even know it.
When I was waking up this morning, I woke up with a lot already on my mind. Usually, I wake up singing a worship song in my head, but not today. Today, it seemed to be an endless list of questions, what ifs, and worries. In the middle of that endless list I could hear Jesus saying Be Still Kristal. I got out of bed and repeated what I just heard. Be Still .. Be Still Kristal. I took a shower, and still my head wanted to fight me. I pushed the thoughts back and practiced being still. I dressed and tended to my normal duties. Looked at the mounds of things I needed to get done, the lists of people to talk to, and this blog post that was to be up yesterday. I was feeling overwhelmed, with an underlining issues that I am not aware of.
I sat down, and started writing and nothing was flowing because I was so distracted by the swirling madness in my head. That is when I took that brain break. To watch the freedom that each of my dogs have brought me joy and I was fully in Be Still Kristal mode. This is such a gracious thing that God has given me today. It was an unexpected gift.
He always knows what it is that I need and I am so grateful for His faithfulness to me. Otherwise, the right words wouldn’t come if I hadn’t listened to what He needed me to do. He was asking me to Be Still because I was all over the place. Something supernatural is changing within at all times. When life comes to a fast paced situation its difficult to just be still. It takes practice and to do it on purpose.
Some of the things that are on my mind were about an upcoming job. Something wasn’t sitting right with me, obviously right. It kept me up and really making me think of life choices. I know that I am in a place where I have the opportunity to chase after what is meant to mine.I realized after watching my lovely dogs live out their simple joys, made me question if what I about to do was the right choice.
I have to make the choice based on what is the will of God and if this is something I want to do. Making this choice shouldn’t ever feel like it’s a bad thing. Like ever. I feel as if I do this that it was for other people’s approval not my own. I would be doing it because they wanted me to. I can’t explain what this feeling has been for me, but the words that come to mind are chained. I feel chained. I simply don’t like that. Not one bit. Not even the kind of chained where it would be to settle for.
I would do what is expected and give that job my 110% because that is who I am. I will manage to accomplish what I need to do there, and seek His face in the moments while I am there. I am not called there, but I will be there in present. I will do my very best every day and come home and rock out my true calling and passion.
After talking about it, and a lot of tears. I just laid it all out there. I applied for a jobs that to put a band-aid on an issue. To ease the stress of others while I do what I need to do to finish this book that I am writing. I had to hold myself accountable for those choices because I made the choice not seeking Him first, I was trying to fix a problem that wasn’t really mine to fix. No one asked me to fix it, I was asked to listen and be a support.
I have a lot of people who have opinions on how I need to be. To be quite honest, that has never worked out well for me. I wasn’t ever brave enough to say what it is that I wanted to do, or felt called to do. I have put in on that back burner and tried to conform to what others wanted me to be. That isn’t wise. I won’t ever blame someone for a choice that I made. I made this choice because I thought that is what was expected of me and fell into an old habit out of panic. I feel awful about it. I feel that I can do this job and manage all my other activities as well as finishing my book. #WalkingInFaithBoo
Someone told me today ” You’re talking a lot about it but you need to just do it.” Talk about a show stopper. It’s a oldie but good one. I paused for a moment to allow it to sink in and process fully. Of course I applied it back to this person, then a joke ensued but then it all came full circle. I need to establish that boundary with myself, continue to trust in Him, be obedient to what He is asking of me, shut up about it and do it.
I fell out of routine that I was doing before, rough waters in seasons can do that to anyone. However, this situation has brought it all back to me to be accountable. That No MATTER what comes your way, you will have to embrace the unexpected, stay faithful to Him, and do what you got to do. Of course all sorts of things are going to come your way when you are doing things that are not the norm to some. God didn’t ask for my resume for me to do the job, He offered this and promised this despite my lacking. He will equip me with what I need. I also needed to stop searching for something that people just can’t provide. I was putting my anchor where it doesn’t belong when it comes to this part of my pilgrimage.
I thank God for the greatest message this morning. Be Still Kristal. Be Still. I give thanks to my doggies because they helped in making that happen in the most unexpected way. I was reminded who I am and what I am meant to do. I thank the listening ear today. I am thankful for the cleansing waters of my tears as I worked through that swirling mess. It may not seem like such a huge issue, but it was to me. I don’t like being doubted, more than anything I needed to held accountable with myself, and not fall into an old trap. TRUST IN HIM IN ALL THINGS!!!
Through these very simple things that we all can do, can and could be the reset that you needed for the day. Of course the enemy is going to find ways to knock you off where you’re suppose to be in life. The more you get closer to what God wants for you in this life the more the enemy will try to tear you away from God. Of course these things were going to happened because I was on the verge of a breakthrough today. The enemy wanted to confuse me and scatter things about, but He asked me to Be Still. Once that happened God was able to minister to me in a way that only he knows how. I giggled, worked out through something, enjoyed singing, watering my Tucker while Kona watched from a safe distance.
So many things were made clear. How awesome is He.
Feel free to comment, like and share. I would love to hear from you.
Here is my playlist for the day today. It is my go to.