Catch Up Kristal

I catch myself starting my stories off the same way, but today I choose a different way to approach the subject at hand. I have new things to talk to you about and I am not going to shy away like I have been. I will approach this with kindness and grace because we all deserve kindness and grace. The darkness can be the most cold unforgiving place ever! There is not one person on this planet that has not visited that place at least once in their life.

 

I need this for myself right now. I need to able to give myself what I give everyone around me. Recently, I was betrayed by a few people so very close to my heart, and instead of feeling all those fleshy moments of feeling anger and disappointment and staying here giving it power. I have learned that people are not like me and I am not like them. I’m so tired of feeling the way I do towards people. I give grace and always will. I will always find the time to make a choice to forgive, but just as important to know when to let go and not look back.

So, I have to try to find my daily empowerment in all that I do. That includes when I am hurt to find that joy when all the shit hits the fan. I am so done with this season and at the same time I am grateful for the season because I know at the end I am going to see a blessing and get to know me a lot better.

I am learning what my true self-worth really looks like, to have a voice and actually use it. I know that I am worth love, respect and joy just like so many others in my life. I am so grateful that I can say no and not really feel bad anymore. I am not afraid to hear the truth and know my part in things.

I don’t like when people think its okay to hurt others. I will always have a hard time with that. I too feel just as sad when it happens to me, but I am so tired of accepting that its okay for them to do it to me. I almost feel like I have minimized what they have done to me or my family. I have asked myself a thousand times… ” Why is this relationship important to you? Why do you keep holding on?” and sometimes I know that the relationship isn’t a good one to be in and yet I allow the craptastic things to continue. So that is completely on me.

I was a naive young woman who felt that nobody liked her, and I don’t believe that shit anymore. I am okay with people leaving my life now because why would I force them to stay when they clearly don’t want to be there. I am not just talking about past romantic relationships I am also talking about friends, job, etc. I have fought for people to stay in my life and I sit here writing this and I am shaking my head… Why would you do that silly woman! I know better now. I am unafraid, I am healed, I am not crazy, I am awesome, I encourage, I empower, I am a freaking WARRIOR!

I have been through so much in my life and I wasn’t afraid to stand for things that I believe in. So where the hell did start allowing crappy people in my life to control me or tell me whats best for me when clearly they don’t know me? can we say run on sentence?  Just in the last few days I have been betrayed and my privacy violated, and I sat there, mad, and upset and almost immediately I chose to forgive, but I am still knee-deep in the situation. Then I got a phone call this morning and it was one of those phone calls that makes you lose your crap, because you know you’re being a target.  But get this…I know I have a target on my back!! I am doing things that makes me unpopular( doing things that aren’t considered normal 9-5 things) and things that others are too afraid of to do… SO yeah I am going to have that target on my back, and I know that I am strong enough to stand and take it in the flesh and surrender it to God. I know what whatever is trying to attack is because God is working hard and the enemy knows they are about to be evicted. #SorryNotSorry #TeamJesus #AlreadyDefeatedTheEnemy

I know that the people who come into my life are there for a reason, I can discern better if they are there for good or bad, or misunderstood, need to be introduced to God, or whatever the case may be… I know that I need to surrender control and surrender the unnecessary hoarding that I have of people. I am not Jesus and I can’t save people anymore than the next person. I can just influence the goodness and teach how to be wise in some cases. I need to stop allowing myself to keeping people that don’t need to be in my life anymore.  Wash your hands Kristal, its okay and they will be okay because they belong to God not you. I am so tired of being hurt, and I am so tired of thinking of things that I need to do to fix my situation. 10 seconds of courage to say goodbye and many blessings your way. #MovingOn

I am so tired of having the target on my back, but I am able to know that I am loved and furthermore I am good within myself to know I am safe. I am strong enough to say no more, and Not today satan. I know that I am worth it. I know that I am enough. I know that I am not fighting flesh and blood. I know that one day I will successful. I am no longer afraid.

So how does this all tie in? Well, there are many phases in life and I am behind the curve, if there is one. I’m catching up to what others already know. I am done with allowing the bad in and ready to fully allow the blessing in!!