Life Worthy of Living<

We all have experienced loss. Loss of people in our lives, loss of those who have touched our lives, loss of pets, loss of friendships, loss of jobs…. all sorts of losses right?!

There is a loss that I want to talk about. Recently, I have loss someone who has touched my life. Pretty unforgettable human. The lives that this person has touches is pretty huge. Their passing won’t be remembered nearly as much as this persons legacy. This person LIVED!! I mean really lived. This person had great friends in their life, a wonderful family, memories, and has seen the world, and experienced things in their life that were wholesome and amazing. This persons memory and legacy will live on through their family, friends and all others who were touched by his presence.

Losing someone is one of the hardest things we experience emotionally. That is my experience and my opinion. In this loss of this bright joyous light of a person, it made me take some time to reflect…. I was taking personal inventory of my time. My only asset in this life.

Time is an asset that we all have moments taking for granted. We don’t know when we will be called home, we simply don’t know. But we live our everyday lives in our normal routines. I can’t and won’t speak for everyone for this matter… because we all live how we do.

For me though, I needed to take the time to reflect, process and pray. As I was looking back on my own life, I realized somethings. I have done some pretty awesome things. Although, I didn’t travel the world in my twenties or setting my sails for winning the corporate ladder… I became a Mother and then a wife. That is where my adventure started. I am so lucky that I am able to have that adventure because there are so many that are unable to. I was blessed with a daughter who will be graduating High School a year from now, and two sons. 17, 15, and 12. They are very much a part of my adventure. Never really a dull moment to say the least. Every child is an individual and man they are definitely mine. They are great kids.

There are some of my friends who are now starting families and my hat goes off to them because I don’t think I could do it in my thirties. I don’t know if I would have the energy. (As I giggle to myself) But the one thing that I do enjoy is watching how my children develop into the humans that they will be. It’s hard to watch them struggle at times, and its an absolute joy to see them thrive in what they are passionate about. And even though my daughter is going to be off into the world next year, I encourage her to see the world with new eyes. To do the things that make her happy, and that can be scary. To make memories. I am not sure what I will say with my sons yet. But rest asured that I will have something to say.

I don’t regret having children early, there are so many people who have asked me if I do. The answer is no. I enjoy that I am a young mother. I am not to sure if my daughter is okay with it at times when people think we are sisters or best friends. I wish I could describe her face when people give those compliments. It’s a look of ” isn’t it obvious she is my Mom?” Or when her friends come over they forget that I am an adult. ” Keeley’s Mom you’re welcome to hang out with us, you’re so cool.” Thank you but no…. The things they talk about are things I don’t want to listen to all the time…. silly kids. My boys are amazing too. The one thing we love to do, is laugh, sing, dance, play harmless pranks on each other. All of us just enjoy each others company. I love that God has chosen me to be their Mom and I am blessed to call them my children.

Family is such a huge thing for me. My father wasn’t around a whole lot, but my step father was. He raised me. My Mom and my step mother are huge parts of my life. My Granddaddy was my dude that I looked up too. My Granny Gail was wise and really someone I wanted to make proud too. Not to mention all my aunts and uncles that played vital roles in my raising. Family is awesome.

Since having my children I did move back to my hometown to raise them. They get to have that close community sense. For all those who grew up here in Los Alamos know exactly what I mean. It is Mayberry on a mountain top if Northern New Mexico. It really is a whole different place, but it isn’t the place where I want my kids to stay forever. I want them to see the world and experience new things in life. To travel and experience new cultures, to have cross-country road trips, to experience life in a new way.

Which brings me to this place in my own life. What are my plans… there are times where I feel that I am growing up at the same time as my children. I will be 41 when my youngest graduates high school and is off doing what he wants to do in life. So that leaves me here in this moment…. what are my plans? What are my plans now that the kids will soon be off doing their own thing? Who will I become?

So I am sitting here, and I am finishing my college application, praying that I will get in. Seeing the big world for what it is… a small dot in a mass of space and time that I have yet to explore myself. I feel like I am 18 again and trying to figure it all out but I love that I am now in this place, because the world is at my feet, I just have to make the choice to walk. Allow God to guide my steps. I feel inspired to live a life worth living.

To experience new things. To start checking things off my Bucket list and live!! I mean really live!! I want to add more feathers to my hat, I want my grandchildren to see that Memaw ( Thats what I want to be called when that day happens.) did awesome things and did it fearlessly, that I never stopped chasing my dreams, that I never gave up no matter how hard it got, that I loved with such deep love, that I cried with hope still in my heart, that I love Jesus and followed Him until the very end. That I wasn’t afraid to go into scary places and pray for and with others, that I walked around with joy in my heart and passion for life and even the worst parts of mankind couldn’t touch or taint my perspective of people. That one-act of kindness goes a long way, forgiving others quickly because you don’t know what they may be going through and maybe they need you to be that one person to let them know that they aren’t alone and that all things are possible, that I was able to conquer going into the ocean or try skydiving at least once in my life. Or that I was able to be successful when NO One believed that I could do the impossible because my dream seemed so big to others… never forgetting that when I felt alone that I was never alone.. there was two us walking that journey together… Admitting when I was wrong and accepting that I was perfectly made, that even when I stood alone a lot of times in my life that I never backed down from adversity and opposition. That even when my thoughts and beliefs were much different from others that I didn’t allow the enemy to take my confidence, that I was teachable and willing to listen and learn. That I wasn’t perfect nor did I want to be. That I didn’t really like hot weather unless there was a pool, that I had to have my favorite smells surrounding me, that I worshipped God with all that I had and didn’t worry what others thought because He was receiving my love in those moments. That I was all for playing outside when its raining outside, I wasn’t afraid to laugh to hard or loudly, that I wasn’t afraid to sing a little louder than others, or hug a complete stranger. I want to be remembered for how I lived my life not how I died, because I know that I will be with Jesus and I will be waiting for all of you on the other side. I don’t want anyone to really mourn me, but I would love for everyone who I may have impacted in this life to do something that you may not have ever done before, remember me in how I lived, laugh, sing, dance, write, hug, love, hope and care, respect and gosh darn it…. LIVE!!!

I know that God didn’t create me to fit into people’s boxes. I know that more than ever now in my life. Almost everything that I have done and accomplished in life wasn’t because I was able to fit in someones box of life. I was made for something much bigger than I think. This loss has changed something within me a little more… I can’t imagine how his life and the loss of his life has changed others since the news came. My first thoughts were of his sisters, wife and child and his best friends.

To you all who were impacted by Ethan’s life I have this to say…. may not be the last thing I say…. but here goes:

Do something amazing today

Remember that you are loved

Remember who is was

Laugh

Call that old friend you’ve been meaning to call

Take that trip you’ve been putting off

Start that family

Start that career

Chase after your dreams

Hug your children and kiss them as many chances you get

Don’t be afraid to stand alone

Love

Have faith

Sing with all your might

Make that coffee date

Learn something new

Be silly

Remember all the good times

Make new memories

Take pictures

Allow God to mend your hearts with His silver thread of love and hope. Know that Ethan is doing Ethan stuff in his eternal life and He is waiting for you on the other side. Cry as much as you need, and laugh. Allow yourselves to be filled with great love, hope and laughter through this time. Gods great healing hand is in this with us all. I pray that in this time that ties are mended, the broken are mended, the tears of sadness and mourning turn into tears of joy and love, I pray that there is salvation and change, and a new beginning starts here. I pray that this moves you to a place of redemptions and peace. I love each and every one of you. I leave you with these scriptures.

” The Lord is closest to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” Psalms 34:18

“Do everything in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14

” I will lead the blind by the ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths. I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16

Ethan was a funny, joyous, bright light in darkest days, he was a philosopher, saw the world with a much different set of eyes, the friendships he had are fortified in love, fun and compassion. He traveled the world, he loved, he impacted so many lives, he simply lived. His gift to us was that.. He lived and made us laugh. Thank you Ethan for this wonderful gift. You are remembered and will be remembered. Thank you personally for this moment and inspiration. May your adventure start in a new fresh way.

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When One Door Closes… Well You Know the Rest

Well the seasons are in full swing of change. For the last nine in a half months I have been shaken, bent, twirled, turned up side down, beat down, and other description words that are in connotation of character building seasons. The enemy even tried to uproot my faith, boy did he mess with the wrong follower of Christ Jesus. I think he forgets that Christ already defeated him and that HE has given me the authority to cast out Satans crazy. #NotTodayDevil

So lets recap.

My children hit a season of crisis. My daughters abuser is sentenced. Daughter goes to get the treatment that she needs in order to learn how to cope and manage with said trauma. Friend ends up getting arrested for a crime on the same day daughter goes to treatment. Other daughter ends up leaving to live with her Biological Mother. Weird friend who claims he was trained from Santa Claus for the Name of Jesus. #WhatInTheWorld. Personal business hits rock bottom. Friendships lost. Money problems hit the fan. Car breaks down times two. Sleepless nights. Those are the highlights for the most part. I love you all but some of the things are to be private. Haha

When this door to that season cracked open… wait.. it burst right open!! From the moment I was leaving for my trip to New Orleans. Literally fifteen minutes!! My sweet Buttons (My SUV) was stolen by one of the kids. All my friends that were in the car just waited to see what I was going to do. The opening of questions came. I can laugh about it now but then I knew they were like ” Uhmmm Kristal what are you going to do?” Two of the gals that have known me a long time we’re just kind of laughing because they know how I am. They knew that my children would be having a coming to Jesus moment with me. But I needed to keep time of travel and we were set back thirty minutes. If you don’t know I am a time person. TIME TIME TIME. Gotta hit that time window just right lol. Anyway, then while I was in New Orleans I saw a new side of some friends I have never seen before. Like ever. So my eyes were opening to something that was going to happen in very soon weeks at this point. I had no stinkin idea what was about to hit me. NONE what so ever. #BoutToCrashIntoABrickWallPeeps

When I say that one event happened after another I mean that. One right after another. Sometimes within the same hour! But let me tell you something. Although, all these events were happening God was 100% in the middle of everything doing some major heavenly heavy lifting. I made some mistakes along the way. The one thing that saved me from the get go was the following.

On one of the days that two major events happened in the same day, within two hours from one another. When I got home. I didn’t really talk to anyone. I walked to my room, closed the door sobbing and absolutely feeling broken. I grabbed my Bible and opened it to Proverbs. I knew that through all the tears what was happening supernaturally and The Holy Spirit was able to set me up for success by the simple action of making the choice to open my #BIBLE. Amen!! All the answers that I needed where in my life manual. Every single feeling I was having and how to calm the storm was right there in my Bible. Everyday, sometimes for hours I was completely engulfed in The Word.

I needed to know if how I was managing the situation with my children in a Godly way, and what He deems as such. I mean everything I needed answered or needed wisdom and guidance on was all there. Then how to move through this fire place. All was answered.

It was the first time in my life I made the conscious choice to talk to God first before saying or doing anything. I was in a state of full firey darts flinging at me at all sides. The one thing I knew I had front get go was my faith. #Faith yes!! My faith is so deeply rooted and what was spoken and shown to me was this tree. This tree was deeply rooted, and full of branches and some green for leaves. This tree was being pruned, and shaken. Anything that fell from that tree wasn’t suppose to be there. Some of those branches that were cut were hard but surrendering the sculptor to do what He needed to do to get the tree just as He needed to be. I was shown that no matter the storm, no matter how many leaves or branches came off that tree, That tree would only sway in the storm winds. It would only be slightly bruised, and dinged up but the tree won’t break!

I didn’t freak out, I stayed calm and knew that I was going to be okay. Mentally, physically, and spiritually I was going to be just fine. I accepted this truth and put on my figurative knee high boots because these storms waters were about to get really high before the storm recedes. I also knew that the blessing was going to come after the storm. I just had to obey, dig deep, lean on Him, seek His face, and hold on. I hold on for dear life.

I dug deeper in my prayer life. I asked God to plant the right people in my path that He wants for me. I confessed. I forgave and will always forgive as often as they all come. I asked for forgiveness from Him. So as I continue in all His blessings He has given to me in this stormy time of my life, I just want to say how grateful I am of His faithful relentless love He has for me. How is protects me. He absolutely loves me to bits. It’s mind blowing.

So during this time… Our SUV’s breakdown and or about too. Robert is out there in the driveway kicking his car, throwing things and yelling at it as if that is going to fix it. Haha I calmly walked away and applied for a loan. I have never applied for a loan much less bought a new car before. I was so scared. I wanted to fix the problem and He knew of this great need at this moment in our lives. I applied for the loan and within seconds we were approved. Now I have to tell Robert the news. I knew it wasn’t going to go over very well. The money was already in my account. I was going to buy that man a new truck that day whether he liked it or not. When I told him, just like I expected he freaked out with a thousand other questions. At this point I filled with joy and laughter to be honest. because He knows the needs, I dont have any doubt what so ever that we find the right truck for his need. And sure enough. I was lead to a website, found the truck and its sale price was lower than what the loan was for, surely that was for a reason. Robert doesn’t believe it. I call the dealership and they are shocked that I called about that particular truck because it was literally dropped off and into their inventory within that hour, and it was currently being inspected. I told them that I was buying that truck today and I would be there within a hour. Robert couldn’t believe what was happening. I’m not going to lie but he was reminding me of Doubting Thomas. Still I knew exactly what was happening. God was at work here. When we got to the dealership, we went to the back to see the truck. Rob was all in that trucks business because surely this is too good to be true. This truck even has the side tool boxes and other storage spots. Y’all it even has air conditioning. Something either of the cars had. That in itself is a blessing. So Robert is happy and praising me on such a good job. Silly man that was all GOD!! On a side note, just before we got there my beloved Buttons knew what was happening. I was trading her in for this gift. Do you remember the meme of where Jesus is asking the little girl for the teddy bear while concealing the bigger teddy bear behind his back? And she tells Jesus ” But I love it.” It was kind of like that. I loved Buttons and all her quirky ways. Right at the light across the street from the dealership she dies in the intersection. I speak loving words over her and she starts right up and we reach the destination safely. I tell her all the good she has done for me and family. She was about to get a face lift and go to another family and that is where she will bring them joy too.

Robert picks out new shoes for his truck and a couple of hours later we have signed papers and keys in hand. Now, we emptied all of the contents of Buttons. Or so I thought. So my daughters competitions gymnastic Leo’s were in there still. I even asked the guys if they got everything. Of course they said yes. Long story short, after a few phone calls and a very disappointed daughter, I got a phone saying that they were able to find the bag of Leo’s and we can pick them up. So don’t tell that isn’t God’s work. And excellent customer service!!

So here is another blessing. After some time away from my church family. I was able to have a meeting with my Lady Pastor. We sat down and had a heart to heart about somethings and we were able to hear each other’s out and where things were at that time. In same time my daughter was still rocky but she needed a church family to be in her life as well. So we started going to church again. My home church. It felt so nice. The enemy was telling me bad things before church that first morning going back. It was so nice to get in the car and drive there that morning. I worshiped with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. My empty cup was being filled. My very own revival is being restored. #ThankYouJesus My daughter ending up coming up with me the next time. She would wear her earbuds while in church in defiance. That was until God spoke to her directly. Our Pastor was delivering his message that morning something amazing happened. He mentioned a song Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks. My daughter is slapping my arm, and I turned to her and right when he was talking about that song that very started playing on her phone!! She dedicated herself to church from that moment on. She stays involved her in youth group. The stirring of God within her is a blessing not only to her but to me as her mother. She recently was baptized in front of our entire church family. #Blessed #NewSisterInChristJesus

Now for me, I have always wanted to be a part of my church family and serve in the way God wants me too. I have had a habit of running towards goals instead of walking with Jesus and his pace. So He would remind to walk, to trust in his work and what he was planning. I absolutely love the ladies in my church and as I dove into the very first Bible study with them, I have gotten the privilege of getting to know these wonderful women. The study was amazing. Then we started the last Bible study for the season, and I was so honored when I was asked to close out the session in prayer. That was a huge thing for me. I felt so humbled and honor from that moment. I was able to help in the upcoming events that the church was doing. I feel like I am serving right where God wants me to.

I love my church. I love serving in new fresh ways. It has been a huge blessing. In spite of all the crazy things that have happened and will happen. I have learned valuable lessons that God presented to me when the storm was all around me. He used the attack that was on me and my family and worked it for His Glory and he worked it out for good. I was able to stand firm against opposing opinions, I was able to stand firm in my faith, I was able to stand in my weakness because He made me strong. He makes me strong. I have a new fresh start at something, new growth on those branches.

There are other things that He has taught me that I have a subject about at a later date. There was a time where I was trying to fix a situation and I was reminded to get out the way and let God do his thing because I wasn’t called to fix anything or anyone. So in that time as you found out last week that I applied for a job. I wasn’t sure at first because of the feeling I was having about it. Today I finished part of training for that job, but the momentum of this new thing that is happening is pushing me in a new way. IF you haven’t figured out yet, once I have tunnel vision on something there is no stopping this train of awesome called ME.

I love how God has used these situations for my good. Seriously, things that I doubted about myself. When I was rejected, opposed, judged, alone, scared and so many other things. He showed me that I was truly in fact accepted, that I wasn’t wrong and I was wiser, I wasn’t alone and that I was fully dependent on God. And with God with me under his protection, I was no longer scared and I was safe. I am embracing this new growth and seeing where it will take me. I have embraced this walk as a learning thing, and grew that much more in my faith.

If you are going through something right now, I encourage you to hold on. The blessing is coming. Just keep holding on. Don’t let go dear one. Don’t let go. Open your Bible and seek the answers. Prayer hard and boldly. Lean on His understanding and not your own. Take care of yourself. Take the time to see the blessings in the storm. Don’t focus on the bad that is happening focus on the new growth that is taking place. Look at it as an opportunity of learning something new about you and your situation. Hope. Faith. Love. Surrender it all to God. He’s got you. You’re loved, you are able, you are amazing, you’re stronger than you believe, You’re stronger with Him than alone, and you matter. You are valued, you are forgiven.

Side note… about a month or so ago I received a phone call from my Mom and Step Dad bought me a car. God knows your needs and He will provide!! When we bought the truck it was for Robert so we were down a car. Talk about blessings from Him. I’m grateful for my parents and all that they have done for me. They are so incredibly loved by me. God knows. #ThanksFather #ThankYouParents

Take care..

Kris

It’s Just One of Those Days

When I started this post today, I was probably half way done and a few thousand words in. I took a brain break, like literally. The words just didn’t seem right. If that makes sense. So I took a break in frustration and not really knowing what is going on. I went outside with the dogs on this fine summers day, or so it feels anyway. I turned on the hose and watched as one dog ran from it and found her safe place on the deck, while the other tries to eat the said watery attacker.

My dog tucker is an American Bulldog and Kona is our rescue from a local shelter. Tucker is four years old. He is such a goofy dog. For anyone who has ever owned a bully breed knows the silliness that can come with having them around. They are full of personality. I picked Tucker out from a picture. I fell in love with him instantly. When we picked him up he was a 20 pound pink skinned white rollie pollie 8 week baby. He now is over a hundred pounds of hunky love. He was our little piggy.  He has that squishy face that only a momma would love to bits. And I sure do love him.

On days like this where things aren’t always flowing I know that my furry companions are there for me. As I watched Tucker play I was present and completely in the moment. I took in the breeze as he snorted his way through the water. Giggling as if the world just disappeared. For once today my soul was still. All the things that I was thinking about were nothing but a distant memory.

I was able to be grateful for the water that is there for me to have that moment to play with my dogs. Grateful that I have a yard to have dogs to roam around in. To have an apple tree, that gives fruit and shade. To have a deck to see and enjoy the view of distant mountains. My Favorite Worship Jams playing in the background. This is what I was in need of all day and I didn’t even know it.

When I was waking up this morning, I woke up with a lot already on my mind. Usually, I wake up singing a worship song in my head, but not today. Today, it seemed to be an endless list of questions, what ifs, and worries. In the middle of that endless list I could hear Jesus saying Be Still Kristal. I got out of bed and repeated what I just heard. Be Still .. Be Still Kristal. I took a shower, and still my head wanted to fight me. I pushed the thoughts back and practiced being still. I dressed and tended to my normal duties. Looked at the mounds of things I needed to get done, the lists of people to talk to, and this blog post that was to be up yesterday. I was feeling overwhelmed, with an underlining issues that I am not aware of.

I sat down, and started writing and nothing was flowing because I was so distracted by the swirling madness in my head. That is when I took that brain break. To watch the freedom that each of my dogs have brought me joy and I was fully in Be Still Kristal mode. This is such a gracious thing that God has given me today. It was an unexpected gift.

He always knows what it is that I need and I am so grateful for His faithfulness to me. Otherwise, the right words wouldn’t come if I hadn’t listened to what He needed me to do. He was asking me to Be Still because I was all over the place. Something supernatural is changing within at all times. When life comes to a fast paced situation its difficult to just be still. It takes practice and to do it on purpose.

Some of the things that are on my mind were about an upcoming job. Something wasn’t sitting right with me, obviously right. It kept me up and really making me think of life choices. I know that I am in a place where I have the opportunity to chase after what is meant to mine.I realized after watching my lovely dogs live out their simple joys, made me question if what I about to do was the right choice.

I have to make the choice based on what is the will of God and if this is something I want to do. Making this choice shouldn’t ever feel like it’s a bad thing. Like ever. I feel as if I do this that it was for other people’s approval not my own. I would be doing it because they wanted me to. I can’t explain what this feeling has been for me, but the words that come to mind are chained. I feel chained. I simply don’t like that. Not one bit. Not even the kind of chained where it would be to settle for.

I would do what is expected and give that job my 110% because that is who I am. I will manage to accomplish what I need to do there, and seek His face in the moments while I am there. I am not called there, but I will be there in present. I will do my very best every day and come home and rock out my true calling and passion.

After talking about it, and a lot of tears. I just laid it all out there. I applied for a jobs that to put a band-aid on an issue. To ease the stress of others while I do what I need to do to finish this book that I am writing. I had to hold myself accountable for those choices because I made the choice not seeking Him first, I was trying to fix a problem that wasn’t really mine to fix. No one asked me to fix it, I was asked to listen and be a support.

I have a lot of people who have opinions on how I need to be. To be quite honest, that has never worked out well for me. I wasn’t ever brave enough to say what it is that I wanted to do, or felt called to do. I have put in on that back burner and tried to conform to what others wanted me to be. That isn’t wise. I won’t ever blame someone for a choice that I made. I made this choice because I thought that is what was expected of me and fell into an old habit out of panic. I feel awful about it. I feel that I can do this job and manage all my other activities as well as finishing my book. #WalkingInFaithBoo

Someone told me today ” You’re talking a lot about it but you need to just do it.” Talk about a show stopper. It’s a oldie but good one. I paused for a moment to allow it to sink in and process fully. Of course I applied it back to this person, then a joke ensued but then it all came full circle. I need to establish that boundary with myself, continue to trust in Him, be obedient to what He is asking of me, shut up about it and do it.

I fell out of routine that I was doing before, rough waters in seasons can do that to anyone. However, this situation has brought it all back to me to be accountable. That No MATTER what comes your way,  you will have to embrace the unexpected, stay faithful to Him, and do what you got to do. Of course all sorts of things are going to come your way when you are doing things that are not the norm to some. God didn’t ask for my resume for me to do the job, He offered this and promised this despite my lacking. He will equip me with what I need. I also needed to stop searching for something that people just can’t provide. I was putting my anchor where it doesn’t belong when it comes to this part of my pilgrimage.

I thank God for the greatest message this morning. Be Still Kristal. Be Still. I give thanks to my doggies because they helped in making that happen in the most unexpected way. I was reminded who I am and what I am meant to do. I thank the listening ear today. I am thankful for the cleansing waters of my tears as I worked through that swirling mess. It may not seem like such a huge issue, but it was to me. I don’t like being doubted, more than anything I needed to held accountable with myself, and not fall into an old trap. TRUST IN HIM IN ALL THINGS!!!

Through these very simple things that we all can do, can and could be the reset that you needed for the day. Of course the enemy is going to find ways to knock you off where you’re suppose to be in life. The more you get closer to what God wants for you in this life the more the enemy will try to tear you away from God. Of course these things were going to happened because I was on the verge of a breakthrough today. The enemy wanted to confuse me and scatter things about, but He asked me to Be Still. Once that happened God was able to minister to me in a way that only he knows how. I giggled, worked out through something, enjoyed singing, watering my Tucker while Kona watched from a safe distance.

So many things were made clear. How awesome is He.

Feel free to comment, like and share. I would love to hear from you.

 

Here is my playlist for the day today. It is my go to.

Kristal’s Favorite Worship Jams

 

 

Chapter 12 Just One of Those Days…

Today was just one of those days where nothing and everything just seems not together. I would normally call these days ” character building,” days but I don’t think that would suit today. There wasn’t really anything to really build except … maybe.. Not to take things so serious all the time. Maybe even to take a page out of my own book and not make it about me but rather that something or someone is in need of what I am going through in the moment.

So I have been having nightmares the last couple of nights. I know now that is a way for the enemy to try to get a foothold on something, But somewhere in that dream there was a nugget of hope and a way out. I will spare you the details of the dream but it was in a movie theater, with  old wooden floors and I was talking to someone then went to the bathroom, then it went off into something else. That was the nugget. So I know that it has something to do with getting rid of something. So I will do my part in getting rid of that whatever it is, but here is where I know that I am struggling a little bit.

I can normally hear where I am supposed to go, but since I haven’t been sleeping well the enemy uses that to create confusion. Father doesn’t do confusion. Enemy …0 Father … a boat load more numbers… Kristal actually and finally seeing discernment A++. Good Job Kristal… any who… So when I woke this morning, it was chaos from the get go. Not once did I think to just have a quick ” Hey Father, Good morning, Thank you for waking me up today, I love you and this day is yours, what would you like me to do with it? Oh and by the way I am having these crazy dreams, Holy Spirit do you think you can help me out with that?” But NOOOOOO I choose to moan about not feeling well and crawling into back into my bed and sleeping another three hours.

I was really grateful to wake up less icky than the previous time I woke up. I was ready to start the day. It was late I was rueful about that but I was up and moving… ish. I do my usual, tend to the dogs, start the coffee, look in the fridge and not get anything to eat but grab the creamer for that coffee. Priorties you know! I Look at the massive pile of things on my kitchen table, roll my eyes, get my coffee fixed up and back to my bedroom I go. I am trying to find all these excuses to not do anything with my day except when I need to. I know I have appointments and meetings today but I can procrastinate… Right??

Once I was perched on my bed I started to fidget with my nose, figured now would be a good time to tighten my nose ring… wait… there is something wrong…. The top part is there …. where is the post that goes inside my nose!?? I couldn’t feel it… I started going through mental talks of ” DON’T Suck up through your nose…. DON’T you do it!!” Mindfulness is super helpful…. BTW’s… So I blow my nose instead of sucking up my clogged nose… Sure enough there is the post in the tissue! Panic… and relief all at the same time.

As excited I am to find the post, but there is one problem… How the heck is this going back in? My fat phalanges can’t fit in my tiny nostril? I like to think that I am creative… I need tape as a third hand … then I can find this tiny hole on the inside of my nose… yeah .. totally makes sense. I dig through my room and find that super crazy double-sided tape… “This will work.” I told myself confidently as I am holding the post the opposite end in my nose. I really don’t want it to close. This actually means something to me and I really like the piercing. So I sit in front of my magnifying mirror and started to get to work. I was so determined to get this back in on my own. The next thing I know… My phone is blowing up. It’s all my awesome Ysisters with work … I thought for sure that I can tell them what’s going on, maybe they will have some words of wisdom. Nope instead it turned into how we can market this incident, and I loved it. I couldn’t stop laughing, my nose is starting to hurt. So my best friend with all her wisdom was kind enough to tell me the things I need to do in the future. My husband is now texting me, and I am hyper focused on getting this in. I ask about his day and he got a lot accomplished.

I throw in the towel after a good twenty miuntes of hard work. I have to make a thirty minute trip to have the professionals take over. I felt like a total noob! My bestie and hubs got a good giggle. I think… okay maybe annoyed. As I embark on my journey to a nearby city… I am talking with Father. I know that He has a plan for today and realize that it’s not about me today. Not that I am saying that I am the focus any other day, but I was thanking Him for allowing me the opportunity to get out of the house and be out doing stuff. I also know that whatever this is about isn’t going to be about me and that I am going to touch a life today. Even if it’s because I am getting my nose ring put back in. I laughed to myself thinking how silly this all was. I did have other plans to NOT do anything with my day. I am grateful that didn’t happen.

I enjoyed the drive and when I arrived and waited my turn for the professional to fix my issue at hand. Once it was my turn… I was explaining what I didn’t accomplish and the only thing I did manage to do was cause swelling on my nose. Mind you I have a Ear, Nose and Throat appointment in a couple of hours from this moment. He attempts to put it in , and while we were talking about life in general, he breaks the post. Good thing he is prepared and has backups. So he put the new one in, and the jewel doesn’t fit. I laughed again.. because I see what the enemy is trying to do, but I won’t allow such negative vibes.This was just meant to happen. So we come up with a plan, get new jewelry, and finally he gets it in. He also made the post the same color as my jewel. I am one happy camper. Oh and it pretty much is Kristal proof. It doesn’t need to be tightened. It is snapped into place. I will have to go to him to get new jewelry and I am happy about that.

So here is the cool part. As we were talking he started opening up to me about his kids and what he is going through. I listened as he told me what one of his kids is putting them through. He was telling me the stress that he and his family is going through and what his child is going through. Thinking about it now I could have prayed over him, but I didn’t think of it then. I think that maybe he just needed someone to listen. Sometimes that is all that people need. I was happy to do that and give him some new tools to work with. Like tracking … Haha and how easy it is to do through the phones. The look and relief on his face it almost looked like hope to me. I felt accomplished.

I didn’t make it back in time for my meeting and I felt bad for that because I forgot to tell that wonderful person that once again we have to reschedule. The way I see it though… Father has perfect timing in everything. I was able to make it home to get my things for my appointment and talk to another friend who just needed someone to listen. My husband met up with me for my appointment. We shared a few laughs about our day then it was my turn to go back into the room. As I walked in I was intimated by all the tools laying out. I did wonder if those were all going to used on me. As I was talking with the nurse the doctor came in and smiled, she didn’t even look back ” We’re not done yet.” “Yes I know, I just heard that it was intimating.” He beamed looking at me and it made me that much more nervous but kind of excited as well. My blood pressure was elevated because of it all.

As my husband talks about what his experiences with all these tools, he put me at ease. The doc came in and he looked excited. haha. Kind of threw me for a loop, but I rather have a doctor with a sense of humor. He took a look inside my nose and it was the same thing I have heard most of my life. I’m clogged and my nose looks unhappy, and my ears are clogged as well. I explained to him the last time my ears were cleaned I was like 12 while in Dallas. And when they were done it looked like a core sample. He laughed. He made me smell the numbing agent and I asked if I was going to throw up. He said “No, but you would be my first if you did.” So I huffed the whatever it was, that is a new sensation. I suggest you get it done, just to say you did it. Then it hit me right in the back of the throat! GROSS!! I gagged a little. All he could say ” Oh. You tasted it!” Yeahhhh!! That is what I meant by ” Am I going to throw up!” It passed after a few moment and breathing felt weird or lack there of. So while we were waiting for my nose to get numb he started checking out my ears.

He got his little vacuum thing going, I started talking because I am nervous. I was telling him that before I got it done the last time I had pretty good hearing but when they were done, I had super sonic hearing. The last thing I heard was maybe I was the secret member of the Avengers. This guy is funny is what I thought of as I hear the non movement of what wax isn’t coming out. He also made a comment about me maybe using Q-tips to clean my ears. I simply said, ” I don’t use them to clean my ears but to scratch my ears.” ” Better than a key.” he quipped. Touche Doc… So now I have to deal with my ears again. That will be nice to have them be like normal people ears. My canals are that of a small animal. He took core samples from my face as well, and I was on my way after I got a laundry of To-Do’s and some samples. I was excited to get those samples!! A full size of one of those samples is $200.00 because the insurance doesn’t cover it. Thanks big pharma… Not Cool.

Came home after a nice dinner, played some cards with my family. Picked up one of my kiddos from a sporting event and it was a blessing. The whole day was a great day. I got to meet new faces, spend time with my favorite peeps, got to get organized for the next day, and talk with my Ysisters. I feel that I may have impacted some people today and spoke life into them. I realize that Father had better plans for me than laying in bed watching Netflix. I am so grateful for that. I would have missed out on a great day. I got to talk to some people who I haven’t talked to in a long while and that feels amazing. I like that I am finally starting feel better about making new friends, sustaining my current friends, getting out of my house and talking to strangers. Something I wouldn’t have done a year ago! Things I am still learning is to talk to Father in times that I know are going to be impactful to see where He wants me to go with the conversation.

Once I am done here, I will sit down and have a conversation with all of Them again. We can choose to speak life into people or death. I rather speak into life into people even though they may not feel that way towards me, because we don’t know what they are going through. Besides, I am in a much better place to know what to breathe in or not to,as far as words go that is. I couldn’t have done that without all the people who Father has sent into my life to speak life into me and help do Fathers work through them. For that I am grateful and wish to do the same to others. Lastly, tighten your nose ring. Love each other, Laugh a little, speak life into your fellow-man. Thanks again guys.